Awakening
by XxMatter of NeedxX
Summary: One Shot. Set in 1918, As Edward Masen is dying of the Spanish Influenza with his fiancee, Bella, at his side, Dr. Carlisle Cullen decides something that will change Edward forever.


**Author's Note**: Hey everybody, this is my first shot at Twilight fanfiction, and I really hope that you all like it =] Just so there are no confusions, this is set in 1918, not the present day, and it is before Edward is turned into a vampire. Enjoy!

**Awakening**

Sweat drips from my brow and slides down the warm, feverish skin on my face until it reaches my lips and my tongue darts out to lick it away, a saltiness left in my mouth. One of the only sensations I have left besides my sight, but even that sometimes fails me lately, is my sense of taste.

"Oh Edward…Edward you're so warm," A soft, angelic voice whispers and I struggle with every last bit of my energy to open my eyes and look up at my love. Isabella Swan, my soon to be wife and my one true love. I know that if she weren't here with me now, I would have passed on to the light ages ago.

As it is, I've lost most of the rest of my world. My mother, dead from the influenza, my cousins, my friends, and here it looked like I would join them all not too soon from now. I just wish there was a way it could be spared; a way I could stay here with my love for all eternity.

"B…Bella," I whisper hoarsely and she makes a little start, clasping my hands tightly in hers and pressing a kiss gently to my knuckles as tears roll down her lovely face, "Oh my Bella, don't cry…don't cry for me."

But this is all I can manage to get out before I begin to cough violently, and I feel Bella squirm where she's sitting as she tries to figure out what to do. I wish so much that I could stop right now; I don't want her to be afraid for me.

"Edward…dear lord, I'll get the doctor," Bella says, her voice anxious as she stands up suddenly and looks around the room full of people on their death beds for the young doctor who was doing as much as he could to keep them all alive.

Wheezing as I try to catch my breath, I reach out for her hand, shaking my head so that she'll sit back down again. Even I know that the doctor can't do anything for me now, and I just want to spend as much time as possible with Bella while I can. "No, Edward let me get him, he…he can give you something to help the pain, I don't want you to be in pain," she whispers, her voice cracking as she reaches out and puts her hand on my face. It feels amazing against the heat of my skin and I sigh before closing my eyes.

"Ahh, Miss Swan. Do you ever go home?" The doctor's voice rings clearly through the air, "You really should get some rest, I don't think you've left his side these past two days."

"I'm sorry Dr. Cullen, but I…I can't leave him. I'm so afraid to even blink my eyes," Bella says, her voice shaking and I feel her grip tighten just a little bit on my hand, causing me to wince, though I wish I could have suppressed it and spared her the immediate guilt she felt, "I'm so sorry! I'm such a…oh dear. Could you help him at all? Ever since his mother passed he's gotten worse and worse, I only wish…please, he's in so much pain I'm afraid to even touch him!"

"I'm sorry, but there's only so much I can do. If I give him any more morphine, it could put him into a small coma, or it could kill him," Dr. Cullen says and I hear Bella let out the softest of sobs. My heart reaches out for her as my hands can't find the strength and the doctor continues to speak. "The only thing we can do for Edward is to wait…wait and hope for a miracle. I can promise you this, though, Miss Swan. I promised his mother, and I will promise this to you as well, I will do anything in my power, anything, to keep him alive, to try and cure him."

"Thank you…thank you Dr. Cullen. I just…I don't know what I'd do if I lost him. He's my world," Bella whispers, and in and out of my daze I open my eyes enough to see her face wet with tears as she looks down at my fragile body.

"I understand. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to check up on a few more patients, so I'm just going to take his vitals, and then I'll let you have your time with him. But you should really get some rest soon, Miss Swan, or at least some fresh air. I don't want you catching the disease as well," Dr. Cullen scolds, but I can tell by his tone that he knows it won't matter to her if she catches it or not, and this breaks my heart.

The last thing in this world that I want is for my Bella to suffer the way I've suffered. I want more than anything for her to live a full, happy life…even if it's with another man. I don't want her to mourn for me forever though, I want her to smile again, and I want her to laugh and to love and to live her life to the fullest.

I feel the doctor's unnaturally cool hands on my arm as he takes my blood pressure and then draws blood from it quickly. One thing I can commend him on is that he's always quick at what he does, and it never causes me any discomfort, and for this I am grateful to him.

"I will be back to check on him in a few hours. Please, Miss Swan, I insist you go home tonight, have a warm meal, a nice bath, and get a good night's rest. Edward will still be here in the morning," Dr. Cullen's voice pleads softly and I can tell Bella is going to insist that she stays right by my side.

"L…Listen to him. He knows, he knows what he's t…talking about," I say, my voice gravelly and hoarse as I try to convince her. My tongue darts out to try and moisten my lips in vain, and Bella notices this, quickly grabbing one of the ice chips from the bowl beside my bed, putting it to my lips so that it might help.

"How could I leave you? If anything happened…Edward I can't, so don't ask me to," Bella persists, gently wiping away some water as it dribbles down my face. I sigh and shake my head softly, trying as hard as I can to keep my eyes open.

"Please…please my love, for me," I whisper, and though my body is screaming at me and it feels as if thousands of pins and needles suddenly attack my skin, I lift my head and kiss her lips softly. It lasts for barely a second, but each and every kiss I share with Bella is a new experience, each and every kiss gives me the will to live just a little bit longer.

"Edward…I…okay. If it means that much to you, I'll go home. But just for a few hours, you won't even notice I'm gone, I promise," she says after a moment of internal struggle on her behalf.

"Thank you," I reply, before letting out a deep breath and closing my eyes. I wish I could have kept them open longer so that I might have been able to gaze at her flawless face longer, but unfortunately my body is only willing to resist the pain for so long before it becomes unbearable.

"Well good, you go home and get some rest, and Edward, I'll be in to check on you in a little while, okay?" Dr. Cullen says to the both of us, and for a moment I forgot he was even still standing by my side.

"Thank you doctor," Bella says to him, offering a small smile, devoid of any of the warmth or happiness that it used to hold.

"I love you Edward…I love you so, so much. As soon as you get better, we are going straight to Father Donovan, and we're going to ask him to marry us. I know you want me to have a big wedding, but I just want to be your wife. I don't care about anything else," Bella says to me, taking my hands in hers.

"Whatever…makes you happy. I love you more…more than you could," I begin to say, but once again my whole body shakes as another fit of coughing strikes me, and it's another minute before I can finish my sentence, "…more than you could…possibly know."

"I love you Edward. Save your energy and get well. I'll be back before you even notice I'm gone," Bella promises once more and I give her as much of a smile as I can muster. She leans down and kisses my forehead, pushing some of my hair out of my face before standing up and walking slowly out of the hospital.

It's not long before I hear movement from my bedside, and all of a sudden I'm being wheeled out of the room. I can no longer hear the sounds of sobbing women and children or the coughing of sick, dying people. It's silent and I briefly wonder if I'm dead.

Emotion rakes over my body as I panic and try to look around, to see where I really am. I can't be dead…Bella would be back before long, and if I wasn't there when she returned. Oh dear Lord I didn't even want to think about the anguish that would take place in that small room. I could picture it so clearly in my head and one by one tears fall from my eyes, eyes that haven't cried in at least a decade. Little did I know this would be the last time I would cry for all eternity.

I am only seventeen! How could God be so cruel as to take my life away from me before I have even begun to live it? More importantly though, how could He do this to my Bella? How could one cause so much pain to someone so pure and sweet and innocent?

My mind works furiously at these thoughts as the silence persists, all except for the gently whirring of the wheels as my bed still moves…but wait, if my bed is being wheeled I surely can't be dead? Can I?

"I'm here to help you, Edward, don't worry," Dr. Cullen's voice says from somewhere in the darkness, answering my worries and fears. I gather enough energy to mutter one last word before I fall into a dark, black dream.

"Bella."

"I am sorry…we did everything we could, Miss Swan."

"No…no, you're mistaken…you have to be! He can't be dead, I just saw him nine hours ago!"

"Again…I am sorry, you do not know how apologetic I am."

"No…I can't…this can't be…oh, my Edward!"

I couldn't stand it anymore; the anguish in her voice was enough to kill me right then. At least if that pain didn't, the pain searing through my body would. I scream out as liquid fire sears through my veins going up and down my body, not letting me alone even for a second.

I can't think, I can't breathe, and all I can do is try to will the pain away. The pain in my body, the pain in my heart, the pain in my soul.

I don't know what's happening to me, but I want it to stop. I want to know why it feels like I'm on fire, but at the same time I'm colder than I've ever been in my entire life and I can't stop shaking.

Eventually I can no longer hear my love and her anguish, but instead I hear the sound of approaching footsteps quite clearly, and then a soothing voice in my ear, "It will all be over soon, Edward…it will all be over soon."

"Edward, what is this all about?"

I smile and look over at my sweet Bella, her cheeks blooming with color. She most likely is unaware of this and were she to know I knew, for certain she would be embarrassed, but I love the color in her cheeks, it's beautiful.

"You'll see, just keep following me, we're not far," I reply, reaching out and taking her hand, threading our fingers together. I continue to lead her through the forest, a rare thing in the middle of Chicago, and don't stop until we break through.

I'm praying that my timing is just right, and as we emerge from the forest, the sun setting right before our eyes, I know that it was perfect.

"My goodness, would you look at that! I've never seen the sun look so beautiful before!" She exclaims, a smile lighting up her face in a way the sun cannot. My own personal light.

When she finally tears her eyes away from the setting sun in front of us, she turns to me and smiles, leaning up on the tips of her toes to kiss me gently, her fingers caressing the skin on my face, and I know what I'm about to do is the right thing. It's the rightest thing I'll ever do in my life.

"Bella, my love, there is a reason I brought you here tonight…there's something I need…I love you Bella," I say, words failing me for the first time in a long, long while.

"I love you too, Edward. What's the matter?" Bella replies, her magnificent dark brown eyes staring up into my somewhat plainer green ones.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing is the matter. I just…I have to find a way to…" I start to say, and I realize that I've been pacing for the last few minutes out of nervous habit. Stopping myself, I take a deep breath before turning to her and taking her face gently in my hands, kissing her sweetly on the mouth as I do so. "Isabella Marie Swan, what I came here to ask of you…is, would you do me the honor of being my wife? These past four years that I've known you, I've grown to love you more than life itself. Please say yes, because without you, life will have no meaning left. You are my life, Bella."

"Oh Edward, how could you think that I would ever say no?" Bella replies in a soft whisper, a smile immediately gracing her features as tears fall from her eyes.

A small chuckle escapes my throat as I realize that I have been worrying this past week for absolutely no reason. I was worried she wasn't going to want to marry me, that she wanted more than the life I could give her. I couldn't have been happier at that moment.

"BELLA!"

A rush of emotion floods through my being as I sit up faster than I believe to have ever sat up before, and I repeat her name over and over until I spot the person sitting in the corner silently, watching me.

"Where am I? What…what has happened?" I demand, moving to stand up, and finding that I've done so with absolutely no pain. I haven't been able to do this in months. "ANSWER ME!"

In my anger, I find myself throwing my cot across the room with inhuman strength, and I watch wide eyed as it smashes against the wall, falling to the floor in a heap of broken parts.

"Calm down Edward, please, and I promise to explain everything," Dr. Cullen says to me, and I don't know why, but the moment he talks, I find anger fade just a little bit. Clenching my fists, I pace the floor impatiently though.

"Where is Bella? Where am I?" I ask after a moment of silence from the both of us. I glare over at the doctor, who sighs before standing up and walking over to me.

"You were on the brink of death Edward…there was nothing else I could have done to keep you alive," Dr. Cullen starts to explain.

"I know; what did you do to me?" I interrupt, not wanting him to tell me some long story.

"Edward…you need to know, your mother made me promise to her that I would do absolutely anything to keep you alive and safe, otherwise I would have never done what I did…" He stops here for a moment, rubbing his face with the palm of his pale hand. I frown before looking down at my own hand, suddenly white as snow, whereas it used to be tan from spending all day outside, "You're a vampire, Edward. I'm a vampire…and I made you one as well."

Despite Dr. Cullen's serious tone, I start to laugh. Of all the stories in the world he could have come up with...a vampire? I open my mouth to speak, to tell him that the very idea of him being a vampire, of me being a vampire is completely absurd when a sudden burning sensation rips at my throat and I can hardly breathe.

"Yes, I suspected that this should have happened any time now. Your transformation was complete a good five or six hours ago, Edward. I was surprised that you weren't quelled with the thirst immediately, especially being a newborn," Dr. Cullen says, and it's as if he's forgotten that I'm here all together. He's pacing around the room talking to himself and completely ignoring the fact that I'm standing here, about to crush his face in.

"You...ruined...my...life," I manage to choke out, the burning in my throat making it nearly impossible to speak. I think of Bella and how he has taken her away from me by making me a...monster, and my pain is forgotten, transforming into pure, blind rage.

"Edward, calm down. You were on your death bed. There was nothing I could have done! I made a promise to Elizabeth, your mother... and if I hadn't, you would be six feet under by now. I waited until the last possible moment to act, I wanted to give you every chance out there to maybe miraculously get better, but your health became worse with each moment that passed. I HAD NO CHOICE!" With these last words, the doctor grasps my shoulders and gives me a little shake.

I hear his words, but I don't really comprehend them. All I can think about is Bella. How must she be feeling? She thinks that I am dead! I would rather be dead than stuck here on Earth without her. But Dr. Cullen just keeps on talking: "We need to get you out of here, away from the patients before you cause any damage. I can't believe I didn't think of it before..."

"What do you mean, cause any damage?" I demand as he tries to lead me towards a door that goes outside. And all of a sudden it hits me. Of course! I'm a vampire. I drink human blood now. The thought makes me angrier than anything else that this damned doctor has told me in the past few minutes and without thinking about it, I break away from him and run.

I run and run and run until finally I am out of the city and deep in the forest, the burning in my throat increasing every moment until it becomes nearly unbearable and I sink onto my knees, letting out one ear-splitting scream after another. Only after several moments do I realize that I've been screaming Bella's name over and over again.

Even the thought of living, of existing, without her makes me wish that Dr. Cullen had ignored the pleas from my mother; that he had simply let me die as God intended for me to do. At least then I wouldn't have to live a meaningless existence without my Bella.

I feel my whole body folding on itself as I start to cry, my whole body heaving as I sob, but my eyes remaining dry nevertheless. I had nothing to live for anymore, if I could even say that I was living. I was damned, a damned soul that would have to walk this earth alone and without my one true love for the rest of eternity.

I can only guess as to how long I remain there in that balled up position on the forest floor, but in the middle of it all, my grief, my longing, my hatred, the burning sensation in the back of my throat continued to get unbearably stronger. I needed to feed…but I refused to take a human life to do so. There was only one person who I knew that I could return to for help…and unfortunately he was the man whom I hated the most at the moment.

After several moments of internal debate, I make my way back the way I came and eventually walk into the hospital, Carlisle waiting for me with a patient expression on his face, "Edward…I know it seems like nothing will ever get better, but I promise you, this was for the best. Now, I trust that you want to get rid of the burning in your throat?" he asks me, and I nod my head, devoid of any emotion whatsoever.

"Bella…"

Tear stains mark her lovely face, not even a shadow of happiness apparent on it. She roams through the streets as if she were a ghost, as if she herself were dead. Her agony only increases mine and I shut my eyes tightly, letting out a long, mournful breath.

I should not be here…this much I know for sure. I had been in Carlisle's care now for two weeks, and he had taught me to feed, not on humans but on animals instead…a roundabout way of getting what sustenance we needed without taking lives, but even though I am no longer thirsty for blood, being this close to a human is not easy for me at all. Even though it is my Bella.

I know that from this distance, she cannot see me, and this is better for the both of us. I clench my fists tightly to my side, my nails digging into my palms so harshly that it would normally draw blood. It is taking every ounce of my effort on my part to stay here in this secluded area…the demon that I now am is screaming for me to jump out and race after her, for her blood smells sweeter than any other that I have ever smelled.

Carlisle was surprised when I told him of my lust for her blood, he didn't think I would be able to distinguish between smells this early on, but then again this was the girl who I was going to marry. My love for my sweet angel is the only thing keeping me from turning completely into the beast that I am. I know that if I succumbed to my thirst the initial feeling would be absolutely amazing, but afterwards…I could never live with myself if I hurt a hair on her body.

I can only hope that she forgets me over time and that she can learn to love again. I hope she finds a man good enough for my perfect Isabella; a man who would never harm her, for God knows that I will be watching her…I will always be there, a silent shadow in the corner, ready to help her whenever I can.

This life is a damned life, a life filled to the brim with loneliness, with the knowledge that I will never find another like my Bella. I glance at her as she moves farther and farther away from my hiding spot and my heart aches for her.

"Goodbye my love…I will always be with you, but you can never know," I whisper to myself, too low for any mortal being to hear.

I must leave. This is too much for me to bear. Carlisle warned me not to go near her again for at least another six months but I had to see her again…I had to say my goodbyes, even if she didn't know.

It is with this thought that I turn around and leave my love, a damned soul…a vampire.


End file.
